| my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
so is life getting any better for you?
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I don't know. Anthony is mad at me and Laura is mad at me, so it's wierd. I wouldn't say life is bad, just different than what I thought it'd be this year.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
you?
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
also don't know.....it's almost like my mind can't find something to hold onto. Its hard to explain....I guess I got so used to always having a girl to like, some girl I was going after....but....I just dont have anything.....everything feels bland
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I can relate. If I liked somebody, that preoccupied my mind, but when you don't, you don't have that little mental goal.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
yeah....its not really a bad thing I guess....its just different
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
exactly. I guess it's about time I figured out how to have meaning in my life w/o having a crush.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
oh I probably should....but I figure I will always like someone....just have to handle it in the right way I guess
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Yep. I think i've pretty much trained myself not to have those crushes anymore.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
thats good
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
yeah, or it could be bad.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I don't want to be some hard-hearted anti-boy femnazi
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
true.....that would be bad
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I guess I just don't want to play the game. It's not boys i'm opposed to, but hte drama that seems to come of it all
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I agree with that totally.....really if it weren't skanky I'd say....hey lets just go make out.....because really without the drama....that's all there is in highschool relationships lol
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
LOL. I just want a REAL relationship. Where a guy and girl talk and have a connection, you know?
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Not just all the messin' around and drama-ness.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
yep....good luck
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I don't want anything anymore....I'm so tired of it....I just want to be left alone....you know?
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
screw the drama....screw the messing around....screw it all....someday I'll find a girl that will connect with me and it will all be good
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
for now....I'll chill lol
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I'm with you there. I just hope that "someday" comes before I totally give up.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I guess I just don't understand what I'm suppose to be doing.....I dont get what a relationship is even suppose to be anymore
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
exactly. Its become some stupid title that allows for more messing around. The worst thing is how it screws people over. Who's to say that some couples didn't have that connection and the drama just screwed them over. Nobody stands a chance in high school.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
guess so.....I guess I just dont fall into the game so much because I really dont connect with too many girls.....so none fall over me....and I dont get pulled into the game
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
That's because your too deep of a guy to connect with most girls from here.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
well thank you
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
your very welcome. It's true!
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I'm deep and yet shallow....
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
how is that?
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I'm a shallow guy.....I judge too much....I dont know. I guess Im just the same as every other guy.....just as much of an asshole as the assholes I've grown to hate
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
but anyway
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
If you realize that it's wrong, then that right there takes off like 20 asshole points
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
realizing doesn't mean shit unless I do something about it....and I don
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
dont
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
then do.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
It's easy to fix.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
and yet....whats the point of fixing....if I fix....Im a nice guy, but still not what girls around here want....so I become the crying shoulder for assholes again
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
either way ashlyn....its pointless.....you see?
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Being a worthwhile guy isn't pointless, because sooner or later every worthwhile guy meets a worthwhile girl who sees that he's.... worthwhile.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
.....if everyone is screwed in highschool anyway and its pointless....whats the point of being worthwhile?
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
if I find that girl.....drama will tear us apart...
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
lol....its just all pointless....
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I really don't know. There HAS to be some way it works. I guess maybe just use high school to become wortwhile and then find the girl later, or figure out a way to win against drama. If you do that, you'll have to teach me.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
maybe.....we're suppose to be in the game and yet not let the drama affect us as much as it does
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
just realize that life will always go on
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I dont know.....why is it that after every broken heart.....you think the world will end
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
why cant you just say....hey that was a fun ride....lol
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
....its stupid I know....but i dont know
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I guess because some part of us always wants to believe that the one they're with is "the one" so after it ends, we really believe that we've lost the one.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
guess so
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
maybe we put too many labels on things....maybe instead of saying youre with someone.....or youre going out....you should just hang out.....connect....whatever. if you want to sit close during a movie.....hold hands.....whatever. just stop labeling it all as much
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
i dont know
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
could be. We've lost the whole "friends, courting," whatever stage you want to call it.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
yeah we have
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
no matter what we do....we're not going to solve the problem. there will always be drama and we will succumb to it. I know I will....I'm just a deep asshole. I guess we just need to live life as well as we can and try not to get pulled under the labels and faking that rules everyone else
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
good plan. I just never want to feel like i'm "supposed" to like somebody as a friend or as a crush, or feel like i'm supposed to act a certain way. I want me to be me.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
thats all you need to be.....
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
exactly.. sometimes i wonder if i'm so used to acting a certain way that i've even convinced myself thats who i am
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
who knows....just dont try to 'find' yourself....because really....you I think you are who you are.....ashlyn, you're just a sensible minded, cheerful, sometimes out there, but cute girl.....
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
you just act like ashlyn....not any certain way
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
...if that made no sense....im sorry
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
actually that did make sense. Thank you.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
that helped me out, believe it or not.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
its no problem....and I'm glad
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
wow... this talk has really helped my mood!
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
good
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
sometimes you just have to step back and see that you cant change anything in the world...you just have to accept it and rise above it. dont change the game....be above it. dont try to be different from everyone just to be different.....just be yourself and dont worry about anyone who may get you down. life is going to suck.....and friends will lie...but there will always be someone who loves you
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
and someone who has it worse than you.....
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
everything will be ok..
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Wow. Very good statement.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
also very true.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
I've just decided to live above the game, because then a lot of it can't get to me. This Laura thing would be harder if I was caught up in some popularity contest.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
the game sucks. I don't even want to ref it.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
then lets go get pizza....
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
lol
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
sounds good to me
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
alright then
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
well...its getting late and I have to be out of here at 8 for the corvette show
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
okay... have tons of fun
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I'll try....
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
i'm drawing nametags for FCCLA, you'll be beating me at the fun contest
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
...hey, something I'll beat you at.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
well, you have to have SOMETHING.
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Ashlyn - It's okay to be angry and never let go, It only gets harder the more that you know says:
Night.
my lips may promise, but my heart is a whore says:
I guess youre right....Go | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| Okay.. good night. Jacob cleared off the mystery of that whole convo.. when he heard that curt was going to prom with some1, he thought it was ME! So he started talking about it, and then found out that it wasn't me, and had to try to lie to cover up that I had wanted to go with him.
Hmm.. when I told Jacob he was #3 on my poop list, Curt asked what number he was... prob. because of him goin' with Jen, and I told him he wasn't on it... yet. It was a good night for that whole thing, because I could kinda tell he was watching me... and that was really really cool.
Laura & I went and watched Titanic at the barn. It was a pretty good experience. We tried to play some pool/ping-pong so that we could possibably maybe challenge Curt and Jacob someday and be like, impressing. That would be really super cool.
So that was pretty much my day... some wonton making and that kind of thing, but it was pretty good. Laura's cat is having babies, and I got to see like brand-new little kittens. They were so adorable. I don't know, they were so little. It's like amazing, the whole life process. Someday i'll have little kids too! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Fuck It | | Subject: | Somehow... | | Time: | 09:01 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/awake.gif) awake |
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| Somehow Jor and I both ended up ready for church an hour early. It's crazy, so I have plenty of extra-morning time. I'm all dressed up! Last night was the first night in months Laura & I haven't done anything. It was kinda wierd... I was so tired from this gifted thing I had to do. Dad let me drive for like 2 hrs of the 6 hr trip, and it was really scary, but okay! The actual preformance thing sucked, but i'm just glad that it is FINALLY, FINALLY over!
I'm not so scared of driving anymore, which is good seeing as I only have 3 months! We went and looked at trucks, Ford F150s, and they are so super cute! I think I could be a truck girl, that could be fun! We also looked at this Explorer, which was okay, not really my kinda vehicle though, because it is so old. Hmm... whateva! Well... let us see... that's pretty much all i have to say at the moment, because everythings pretty boring. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Songs About Rain - Gary Allen | | Subject: | Storms | | Time: | 06:21 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/angry.gif) frustrated |
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| It's getting ready to storm outside.. the sky is all dark but still blue and the clouds are moving. I'm so excited, I love the rain. A girl died out on a hwy last night.. and so did her little baby. She graduated two years ago, i didn't know her, but a lot of people did so everybody was all sad and crying. A lot of people were gone for an FBLA business trip also... and that was wierd. I love days where almost everybody isn't there. Tomorrow is gonna be like that too, because of the Art Club trip... like a ton of people are going on that.
Today was okay.. Jacob said Hi and I didn't say anything... i was so not in a good mood for him. He asked Laura what was up with me and I guess she told him, and he's gonna talk to me about it sometime or something. Whatever.
Well.. that's all I have to say for now. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Here Without You | | Subject: | God... why me | | Time: | 09:39 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/sad.gif) lonely |
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| | I thought i could trust jacob.. he promised he wasn't telling curt anything. He's a good christian boy. He sat there and made fun of me for being sad about prom.. matt said curt was just confused.. and said we hadn't talked about prom, but curt wasn't being mean at all. Just Jacob. What a jerk. I hate not being able to trust anybody. Almost nobody... pretty much just Matt and Jor. My two siblings. I don't know if I can trust laura.. i love her to death but she is jacob's best friend. Who knows what will happen. Matt said to tell Curt how I feel, but I can't. It wont work. It can't work because he's to old and he's going away and nothings gonna work for me ever because my life sucks. I really like him, and i've never liked a guy in the way i like him... not john, not jody, just curt. He's special somehow... in a good way, and it will never work. He's something so special and it sees like i could be special to him too, but maybe not. It's like everything is spinning... i can't figure out anything and i dont know that i want to. I want him to like me but i dont want it to be easy, and i want this little new problem to just go away. But it wont... it's reality, and i've had a lil problem with reality lately. Geez.. this just SUCKS. IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS. I can't even vent properly about it because i dont want to come off as depressing. Depressing is bad, and nobody likes a mopey girl. Nobody does. So what happens when a person is really depressed. They get ignored? That sucks. Geez... this is the wierdest situation and i dont know how im gonna act about it tomorrow. I'm supposed to be going to this FBLA thing, but i'm skipping it. I dont wanna go. I guess it'd be good not to be at school but it's tests and drama that i dont need. I just wanna lay at home under the covers, but that wont work. No, i'm going to go to school and be perfect looking and happy and show curt what he's missing, and what he could have. That i'm somebody great and special and somebody that he could have something great with. If he doesn't want it, then thats his problem. Sounds good, right? Good, now i just have to convince myself of it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Yes. It is true. Sad huh? Jacob was hugging me and sillyishing comforting me and like he walked by and it was odd. Cause I like him and I was hugging his best friend. But he's going to prom with some1 else. It's okay. I can deal with that... because he was going to ask me.. i know that for sure now. Then she asked him, and he said yes. Odd.. sad... and it sucks, but its' true. What can ya do.
Why does it feel like it's a Friday? Maybe it's the spring weather! I LOVE THIS WEATHER! It makes me so happy. Another thing that makes me happy... curt's gonna work where i work! Totally diff. departments.. but what the hey! It works! I'll be like.. seeing him ocassionally at work, and thats more than I see him at work now. So it's a good deal. Lalalala. Hmm.. i'm in the worst guy mood today, just because of thinking of him being with Jen at prom. But thats okay... i dont really wanna go with Laura and have to look at him with her, but I told people I was going and i should. Laura wants me too.. it's be a good thing maybe.
Well.. that's all for now.. maybe more later. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Listening to music puts me in this wierd... somber-ish mood. I dunno. I so don't wanna get all depressed about this tonight, and agonize about this forever and then find out tomorrow that it isn't true. That would totally suck. But, it isn't like I can just push it out of my mind and just have it not be true. Who knows, who cares. I just have to deal with this. I probably also have to get over him, but i'm so not ready to yet. This can't be another Jody. I don't know if I can deal with more than one of those. This might even be worse than that. God... i miss the jody days so much. Maybe just that I knew nothing could ever work, so I didn't get my hopes up, I just had our little conversations. In a way that was worse, because it had no place to go but bad, but in a way it was good, because it didn't hurt as much as it will when Curt leaves and I finally realize that nothings going to happen. God.. nothing ever works for me. Maybe that means that something really great is going to come up. You'd hope, right? That's what would happen on a soap opera. Then he would cheat on me or kill me or something, and we definately don't want that. I have to make my life stop this... this confusion because all it does is make me sad for like forever. It's usually about this time of year that I get really sad too.. wonderful. Summer will be good, except i'll know that he's gone... he'll be around for church things though. Which may make it worse, who knows. I just wanna stay up here in the office for a while, because as soon as I get in my room with nothing to do, i'm gonna be thinking about it and it's gonna make me sad. Cheerleading pictures tomorrow. Whoo. I'm thrilled, can ya tell? I just want him to tellme what he thinks, would that really be so hard? I can't be fake and happy to everybdoy and really not have a clue how he feels. He's so confusing. I hate men. I swear. Lalalalala... i'll try to get Laura to get them to make plans for Saturday... that would be fun. It might make me a great a bit happier. Well... i've vented enough... i'm gonna read some and then go to bed. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Hmm. Well the night & day was going wonderful. I hung out with STACI who i haven't for a really long time... and that was great. I hung out with Chelsea and actualy had fun. Janey and her family are going to Arkansas but she can't go out of the state so she's staying with me. That'll be wierd, and Laura's mad, but it'll be fun too. Hopefully.
The bad news.. or the news i've heard that may be bad. Jessica (who does make up stories alot) said that Jen asked Curt to prom and he said Yes. I so hope not! Who knows.. everybody's tellin me not to believe it, but I kinda do.
Good note: A long time ago i told him that i loved the song Songs About Rain. Saturday night he walked in and told me he heard "MY" song... and STARTED SINGING IT!!! AHHH.. he's so sweet! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Earthbound | | Subject: | Earthbound | | Time: | 12:34 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/happy.gif) chipper |
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| Hmm... well today was a pretty super day. Laura and my family and I went shopping.. we had quite a time trying on prom dresses and such. I had 120 and i spent like.. nothing. I didn't get much of anything, but thats okay! Why? Because I hung out with Curt tonight! AHhhh!
More Later. Kiss Kiss! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | American Dream | | Subject: | Time will tell... | | Time: | 08:04 am | | Current Mood: | ecstatic |
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| I love this song... American Dream by Casting Crowns. It's good... kind of reminds me of my dad when I was young. It's about a guy whos trying to make life better for his family, but is really just leaving them for work and wasting his life away. It's good. /shameless plug
It's just a halfday, but my mom has a doctors appt. so we're all going and skipping school and shoppng. But my mom isn't feeling well, so we're likely just gonna stay for a while and dad said we can go tomorrow and spend the whole day up there. I can even bring Laura! That'll be a great day, and when I get home, I get to watch The Ring with Curt and Laura and Jacob! It's gonna be a SUPER weekend. I'm so thrilled. It's funny that everybody spends all week looking forward to a lil 2-day stint. Whatever. It's fun. Shopping, boys, wow.
Hmm.. i need to go pick up my glasses from the eye doctors. If we leave in over 20 minutes then i can but if before than i cant. How retarded is it for the place to open at 8:30. So inconvenient. You know what else is inconvenient? Banks! They have the worst hours EVER! If we get home early enough, I think i'm gonna go tan today... i'm gettin a lil pasty.
Lalalalalalala. It's gonna be a GREAT weekend. I don't know what i'm doing tonight except for that Laura and I are staying the night somewhere... at one of our houses, but who knows what i'll do like... tonight tonight. Hmm... tanning... fun. Maybe we can go to the movies. That might be interesting. There is like nothing to do in this town if you don't drink. But that's okay. Speaking of drinking, all of the guys got drunk on a freakin' wednesday night. AFTER THEY ALL WENT TO CHURCH! They're so retarded. They like stole a bunch of road signs too. They all came to school like freakin' retards. They're all gonna be in trouble someday. One guy told me not to tell anybody... loser. I was like You shouldnt' do something like that if you dont want everybody to know.
Well... i'm out! Muah!
Oh... Chelsea's mom asked for a change of venue, so her new court dates not till April. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Take Me Away - Fefe Dobson | | Subject: | Also Known As... | | Time: | 02:29 pm | | Current Mood: | aggravated |
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| Im in the hellhole known as School. Fun. Only a half hour left before I get to make the great trip to the hell hole known as my after school job. Wonderful. Don't you want a life and thrilling as mine. Envy me, everyone. So.. hmm. What a day, what a day. Remarkabley, it has gone by pretty fast. Nothing to exciting has happened so far. I still have church tonight, and that can always be exciting.
This is a computer class i'm in, but I already finished my typing so I can do whatever the hell I want... sometimes i just totally want to give up on everybody here, say I dont care about them and they can just screw up there lives, but they were my friends at one points and I feel completely evil just standing by and watching them ruin there lives. God, i suck. I guess I probably couldn't do anything anyways so I might as well just not try, but it's so sad.
Geez.. well, my whole vision problem will get fixed today, I have an eye doctor appt. after work. That'd be good though, because at about now I can't see anything. It's all blurry, but who cares, guess what, not me! Somebody else likes curt... she's pretty, or people think of her as pretty anyways, she isn't really, but she's a slut and a drinker and he hates that kind of stuff, so I guess he probably doesn't like her, but it still makes me a little bit jealous just to think of it.
I hope he doesn't ask her to prom, but it could happen.
Ahh. i hate confusion. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Who the heck am I? You know in Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts has to figure out what kind of eggs she likes.. that's about where I am. I know who I want to be, I know how I used to act, and I know how I act, but the real me is a mystery, even to me. How I act.. kinda funny to call it that, because, think about it. Acting, pretending, the same thing. I don't know... I can change myself to who I want to be this time, because I do it every 1/2 year or so. Just a year ago I was a rebellious bad girl, and now i'm a sweet, ditzy good girl. I can't keep doing this. I hate it! I guess i'm just scared about what i'd have to change if I really "found myself." Gosh.
Is everybody this lost? Basketball game tonight... sucked. We lost by a ton. Curt isn't cute when he's angry. He's actually kinda scary. He was pissed because of the game, fouls and such. Pauline made me feel bad about dropping my last ex today. He cried and I never knew. It wasn't meant to last forever and both of us were being super-fake, but still.. I feel like a bitch. Oooh.. I cussed. I'm not supposed to do that, it's a nasty habit I need to kick. What other word fits in there though? None. Exactly. The reason people cuss isn't peer pressure, it's pure lack of vocabulary for another word.
I'm so stressed... school is one thing huge, there is so much I need to do and get done to be able to suceed. I need all A's this semester, and an 'I dont care' attitude isn't going to help me get there. Neither, I guess, is staying on the Internet long, but maybe it's important in another way. Besides for school I have trying to make everybody happy. Theres my sis, Laura, Chelsea (we're 'talking' again, we're never gonna be best friends, we never really were.), my parents, curt, curt's parents. All these people want different Ashlyn's and i'm just ONE PERSON, I can't be them all. Who can? Maybe I just wasn't meant to please all of them. Maybe I just need to try to please myself (dirty!)
Chelsea's court date for her custody case is Thursday, and i'm worried for her. Either way her life is falling apart, and i'm not there to care about her. I don't really know what to do about that. I don't even know what I can do.
Well... i better go, i'll report more depressing, boring news soon. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Bloody Valentine - GC | | Subject: | Whoa | | Time: | 10:23 pm | | Current Mood: | amused |
|
| Well, i haven't been online in a long time because my dad "took away" the net because he's a jerk. The internet is a "vicious snake that has bitten our family for the last time." Uck.
My mom got sick and spent a week in the hospital and had emergency surgery. Ahh! That was super scary, but it's pretty much over now. She doesn't feel great, but she'll be okay.
Hmm.. curt & laura & jacob & I have been doin things together.. eating out or going to the movies. It's been great! But then Jacob asked Olya (foreign exhange student) to prom instead of Laura... their "just friends" so she isn't heart broken, but it ruins the plans, because now Laura wants me to go to prom with her, but Jacob things Curt may ask me... so who knows. I'm all confused. I don't really wanna ditch Laura, but I really want to go with Curt. I'm just super confused and scared-ish of getting hurt. I've had so much fun with him. Like tonight at church, he's just so darm adorable and fun. He makes me smile all the time, and hello... those ARMS! We had a lil church party at his house, and it was just fun. We had teams of 4, me, laura, jacob and curt, and it was super! We totally bonded. I think he may think i'm ditzy though. That's not good, i'm a deep person, really, but not unless i really know you. I dont like to discuss my private stuff with strangers.
Jordan and I went on Fruitarian diet's for a few hours this day, but then people from church brought good food, so we ate it. Hey, it was fun while it lasted, right? I'm trying to cut down on my soda though, it went from a 2 liter yesterday to a can today! Lol, i was WIRED yesterday and me and laura went to the truckstop and i was practically falling over.
This weekend me, curt, laura, and jacob are watching THE RING at the barn (it's like a youth hangout house that i have 24/7 access to cause it's my grandparents) because they've never seen it. I'm excited! We were going to do it this weekend, but curt had some *sob* college thing, so we didn't. I wasn't about to do it without him, thats 98% of the fun!
Well.. it's my new, hitler (dad) inforced bedtime. Audios! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | So Yesterday | | Subject: | Hmm... | | Time: | 04:04 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/tired.gif) apathetic |
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| Well... Chelsea's living with janey, and we'll see what sort of drama that brings. We went to the Thayer game to cheer.. the only reason they didn't cancel it was the stupid courtwarming thing they had, and the girl with the ugliest dress won. That's wierd. Anyways... we lost the game, it was so close the last time we played them but this time we lost by twenty points.. the guys were pretty upset, but I think coach "hitler" was the pissiest.
Anyhoo.. I fell down in the middle of the court before the game. Right in front of all the Varsity players. That was nice. Me and Pauline were sittin there bumpin hips and then... boom ... i was on the floor. So the refs started calling fake fouls on my little fall... the first ref called traveling but it was overruled... the called a Technical on Jessica.. who didn't touch me so then i was a little scared about how the Refs would call that whole night!
Then Curt did the same thing... he fell (got hit.. he isn't a ditz like me) and then one called traveling and then it must've got overruled because he got to throw it in. I felt a little love connection there. People kept tellin' me he was lookin' at me at the game and then he smiled real big at me when he got on the bus, after he was bleeding, hurt, and had lost the game. I felt special.. Laura couldn't get me to talk about anything else all night.
What else, what else? Well.. I took lil Austin sledding today, but we ended up mainly just riding the 4-wheeler around. Laura and I are doing something again tonight, but Kayla Hull wants to hang out with us too.. so we're not sure. I think we told her that we'll do somthin' with the boys, so she's just gonna stay with us till Pauline gets back into town and then go over there. Uck.. I love Kayla and all, but I'm just in a Laura mood right now.
I still need to work out today, 2 miles, and then i have all of my 10 miles for the week. The parentals are watching a DVD so I can't really kick them out of the living room yet. I'll do it sooner or later. Hoop Queen is this weekend, and for some reason i'm not even looking forward to the Dance. I dunno why really, but dances just aren't my thing. We'll see, maybe it'll be fun!
Well... i'm out! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Snow Day! | | Time: | 05:56 pm | | Current Mood: | bitchy |
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| We had a snow day! It was pretty good... I didn't do a lot, just hung around with Laura all day and talked. It was really pretty boring, but i'd rather do that then go to school! We will probably have another snow day tomorrow, but I doubt they will cancel our game.
When we played that team in the tourney it was really close, but we still lost, so hopefully we'll win the rematch. Im not real excited to cheer, but at least then i'll get to see Curt!! I think janey's gonna make us cheer JV tho... we voted 6-1 not to cheer for jv and because Emily was the freakin one vote we're still doing it. That ticks me off so bad... i'm so sick of that woman!
I'm trying to get Staci to do cheerleading with me next year since Janey said she would let her... it'd only be competition and football, and that was fun! That'd be realy great.
Chelsea's mom BEAT HER UP. Over the joel thing. Yeah... she doesn't live with them any more and chantell yelled and me and Laura about it. Like it's our fault... if it's anybody's it's hers for telling on her. I don't know but thats bull crap. I feel bad since me and Chelsea aren't friends any more, but it's all okay. Whatever. That's just really wierd.... well.. i'm out! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Let the Bodies Hit the Floor | | Subject: | Snow! | | Time: | 04:56 pm | | Current Mood: | depressed |
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| It's snowing. That makes the whole day millions of times better. The weatherguy said this isn't going to be a big one, not until Wednesday anyways, but i'm choosing to ignore him, when's the last time he was right anyways. I love snow so much. I think i might be starting to get over Curt. Today was bad... i went to my 3rd block class 2nd block betcause i'm stupid, and guess whose class it was. yeah, i looked like a retard. That's okay, because you know what, he doesnt like me anyways and I can deal with that. If our personalities don't click then they don't wanna spend forever trying to catch up on it.
Laura's mad at me for getting mad at Jacob last night, and for talking to her brother about Curt and not her. Her little brother is my best guy friend. He's as old as me and i've always told him everything. She said she didn't wanna hear about it so I told him instead, but now she's really mad and hurt or whatever. I'll try to explain it to her, but i'm not going to apologize to Jacob because I had every right to tell him what I told him. Why does everybody seem to think i'm such a bad person lately? My parents, everybody. God, it so sucks. I think boys complicate life way to much. I need to start concentrating on the things that really matter! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) novivo
User Number:
Date Created:12/21/03
Number of Posts: 23
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| Novivo is LiveJournal's resident psyco. Cynical about love and recently fallen, her journal documents her worst moments, because that's when she ever has time to write, when she needs to vent. |
| Strengths: Complaining, Fun, cheerful. |
| Weaknesses: Complaining, Falling for guys out of reach, and showering to much. |
| Special Skills: Cheerleading, and using a flat-iron. |
| Weapons: extreme wit and attiutde |
| Lyrics That Describe: That's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head. - Sugarcult |
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| I don't know why I even try. Boys are so confusing! Do they do it on purpose? One minute i've decided that i can get over him, that it won't work and it isn't worth it and then he does something to make me want to like him again so then i'll never ever get over him. My mind is like a freakin' tornado. I can't get him out of my head and I want him out so bad. I'm just going to get hurt. I'm just going to get hurt. I'm just going to get hurt. He won't do it on purpose because he's to nice of a guy, but he'll just like stop talking to me except for that daily occasion so that i can't ever get over him.. I don't even know what to think or do. I'm just scared because I don't wanna look like a retard in front of him by talking to him, but if the reason he's not talking is because he's shy then i want to actually talk to him! I wish i could get inside his head and know what the heck he's thinking. I try so hard to understand it but I can't. It was so much easier when I didn't like anybody and didn't have these kinds of problems, but now i'm in to deep to get over him. I probably won't talk to him till Wednesday anyway, if then. I just need to think of what to do. I hate it when things are at this wierd feeling stand still and you don't know where to go. At least with jody i knew it would never happen so that i might as well just get over him, but now things could actually like happen so i'm terrifed. I have all these little curt/ashlyn dreams in my head, and it will be so hard to let go of them, and i actually enjoy having a crush. Is that such a bad thing? Well, it is if it doesn't work! I don't wanna have to always protect myself from getting hurt but I dont wanna just like metaphorically sit there and yell "Here I am, why don't you break my heart?" Where's the balance, the fine middle line? How do i get there and stay there? Everybody says just to be myself and let things happen. But somebody has to make things happen, and i can't leave it all up to him, or I might regret it later. I think i'm just scared of everything I might regret. Regrets are definately no fun. I wish we could just have a snow day so that I wouldn't have to see him, but i know i'd just dwell on it all day anyways. I just need to make a move either way. I don't know what kind or when or what, but I need to do something. I can't just stay still. Maybe just talk to him when I see him, that'd be a big one. I'll let him know how I feel and hopefully things will fall into place. If they don't, well then there will be somebody out there that will take his place, right? Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Not generally with my luck, but we'll see. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Alive - Saliva | | Subject: | Why is it that... | | Time: | 08:58 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/nerdy.gif) accomplished |
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| I don't understand how it is so very feminist of a girl to stand up for her right to choose (to kill her baby). It's such bull. I believe i'm just as good as a boy, so how am i a repressed and submissive girl just because I don't agree with abortion.
How can feminism be aligned with being pro-choice? Isn't feminism all about having your own opinion and not conforming it to somebody else's?
“There aren’t ‘women who have abortions’ and ‘women who have babies’. Those are the same women at different points in their lives.” Rachel Atkins, PA, MPH, Executive Director, Vermont Women’s Health Center
Okay.. sure sometimes these are women at different points in their lives... but you forgot to mention the women that have to regret an abortion the rest of their lives because they become incapable of having children.
Don't forget the psycological effects of abortion on the women who have them. For those of you who won't wanna waste the time going to that site... i'll tell you one of the bigger things... 7-40% of women having abortions experience JUST the psycological effects... and that is not even talking about the physical ones.
I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A FEMINIST/EQUALIST. I AM PRO-CHOICE, PRO-CHILDREN, AND PRO-WOMEN. BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN WOMEN, I BELIEVE THAT NO WOMEN SOULD HAVE TO SUFFER WITH THE CONSEQUENSES OFAN ABORTION.
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Enough about that... now let me talk about why you shouldn't have sex till you get married.
NEWSFLASH
*One in four sexually active teens gets an STD! If you can think of four friends and you are all sexually active, chances are, one of you will get an STD.
*Of girls ages 12-18, 20% on oral birth control became pregnant over a short 6-month period.
*Condoms have a 15.7% failure rate
*30% of sexually active girls 12-18 contracted an STD, and the statistic includes condom users.
*Only 7% of HIV-Positive people will tell you. How well do you really know who you are sleeping with?
That doesn't exactly sound wonderful to me.
***** All statistics were taken from THIS site.
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| | Current Music: | It's My Life - No Doubt | | Time: | 07:21 pm | | Current Mood: | bitchy |
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